I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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