did you get engaged???
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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