My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
