suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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