He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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