I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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