dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
