The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
