You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Is it penis luge time yet?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
