i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
