I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
