My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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