he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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