Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
