Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
