i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize