Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
