i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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