He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
