I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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