did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
