is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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