whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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