You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
