hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
