I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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