I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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