Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
