i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
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Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
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No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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