oh god the rape fog is back!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
