He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
God, I missed his penis.
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