Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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