His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This is classic penis vs brain.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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