all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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