i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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