I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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