cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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