Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
