apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
