Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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