My nipple is on Facebook.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
