FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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