We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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