Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
