Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Randomize
