I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
