I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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