one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
