i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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