he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I would ride that face into the sunset
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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