I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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