He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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