I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
