I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
