life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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