You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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