Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
PANTIES FOUND
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