i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
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I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
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My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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