Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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