just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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