the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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