I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
