So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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