god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
