I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
