It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
