I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
