So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
