So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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