I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
