I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
