It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
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Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
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Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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