he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
