well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
