Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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