I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
