I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
