We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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