So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
