i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
