i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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