are you still at the devil's house?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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