porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
